FLASH THE CASH BUT COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO WASH GUY

Hi Folks……..Saturday morning and all is peaceful.  Both boys are out, eldest has gone off to support the Boro (Big Game, good luck lads!), youngest off to work, he’s an apprentice chef in an up and coming restaurant in Boro……expecting a busy day today!

Perfect time to blog!  I go to make myself a cup of herbal tea before I settle down to write……herbal tea bag poised……..nope quick change of heart, I opt for a nice strong black healthy coffee!…

As Hummer Guy went down so well, I thought I would turn to ‘Flash the Cash but couldn’t be bothered to wash Guy’.

This time I arranged to meet him at the pub….couldn’t take the risk of him turning up in some sort of weird vehicle….a pick-up truck, stretch limo or a tank maybe? We had arranged to meet in ‘the car park at the back’…..there was a guy sat in a car nearby….a normal car I might add….’good start’ I thought.

He got out of his car…..awkward few moments saying hello, and then we walked into the pub.

I always wonder if other people can tell when its a first date….I know I can, it almost becomes a spectator sport for me, I can spot them a mile off!  Then my whole time becomes focused on what they are saying, what they are eating, body language etc.

I look around to see if I know anybody…..the barmaid looks at me…..does she recognise me from my previous date?…..I become concerned that she might think I’m an escort girl or something…..(OK, ‘girl’ might be pushing it!)…..no, she glances…but phew, no sign of recognition!

We find a table, a small booth type, tucked away in the furthest corner I could find….

‘Would you like a drink?’ ..he asks

‘…erm, a dry white wine please’…….he makes his way to the bar.

By this time I had noticed a strange foisty smell but had put it down to the old fisherman’s pub we were in……the carpets did look a bit dodgy!

He returned with a pint of Guinness and the biggest glass of wine I had ever seen…..

‘I thought you’d like to go large’….he said with a weird smile.

Now the table had a small bench seat and a couple of chairs, I had positioned myself in the centre of the bench seat, hoping he would take one of the chairs….nope…..instead he squeezed himself in next to  me……far too close for comfort!  The foisty smell suddenly became much stronger….to my horror I realised it was comimg from HIM!!

We made small talk….’do you come here often’….family and work stuff etc….all the time I was discretely moving sidewards, slowly but surely, along the bench…….he insisted on sliding along with me!…even daring to actually touch my knee!!

By then, I found myself ‘trapped’ between the wooden frame of the booth…..and ‘Stinky’….my only solution….I picked up my large handbag and forced it on the seat between us……at least this gave me a few inches!

Now the wine was going down quite well…..I had started to feel slightly light headed…..was this the effects of the wine?……or the overwhelming musty, foisty aroma that was becoming stronger by the minute?…….I think it was a mixture of both!

…..(short interlude)

ping ping……you guessed it, my eldest son!

‘Mum I’ve messed up, I’ve got the wrong Boro top on.  All my mates have got red ones on and I’ve got an orange one on with that blue jacket and we are going into Boro after and I won’t get in anywhere with this jacket.  Need you to do me a massive favour and bring my red Boro shirt to the Plimmy now please’

…..what the……..?

‘Absolutely not! I’m busy and I’m not dressed!’

….phone rings…..its  him

‘Please Mum, I’ll give you a fiver!’

‘I don’t want your money, I just don’t want to do it!’

‘OK, I’ll get a taxi then…….are you going to MAKE me get a taxi?’

I relent, and after instructions/directions around his bedroom, I locate said Boro top….and off I go.  He jumps in the car, makes a quick clothes change……’Thanks Mum’…..and he’s gone

Now where was I…….oh yeh….

At this point ‘foisty guy’ stands up, and gets his wallet out of his jacket pocket…..takes a note out, and throws his wallet onto the seat next to me and heads for the bar……’just a small wine for me’ I shout after him.

I turn to look at the wallet…..it was bulging…..with a massive wad of notes, that much so, it wouldn’t fasten properly!  I must admit ‘Wow!’ did cross my mind for a fleeting second…..’was I impressed?’…..no……no matter how big the wad, it would never compensate for the foist!

He returned with the drinks, picked up  his wallet and with a wry smile, put it away in his jacket pocket.   After further small talk and a small wine….we ended our evening.

here’s my number’ he said…..that weird smile again…..’we can do it again sometime, get in touch’

……I didn’t…..

 

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